i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Everclear isn't food dammit
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
