I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
