I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
