I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
