he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
