i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
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