I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
