so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Buhtt sex?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize