i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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