I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
