Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
