I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
