Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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