don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
