Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
