I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
