Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
