There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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