and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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