The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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