When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
