dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
