What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
