i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
