also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
