i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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