I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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