Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize