I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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