You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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