the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She even gives head with a lisp.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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