if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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