I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
