physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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