We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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