Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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