thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
