Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
