i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
