Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
