i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize