I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
