This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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