apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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