actually, I'm a sock model
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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