Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
