i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
