she was so not down for the gang bang
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
