I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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