Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I supernannyed him into submission
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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