I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
