i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
