he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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