Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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