Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
