to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
