I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
