Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
