And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
