we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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