He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
