no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
