i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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