I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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