Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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