Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize