So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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