I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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